BIN LADEN VIRUS 
Continues to hide in its own set of network connections. 
 
GEORGE W BUSH VIRUS 
Intermittently masks the pixel colors on your screen, so that you never get the whole 
picture. Variant of the Neal Bush "S&L" virus, and the Jeb Bush "does what it can" virus.
JOKE VIRUS Poses as a harmless list of funny computer VIRUS names! 
7TH DAY ADVENTIST VIRUS Very destructive - disables your system every Saturday, 
but let's it start up again on Sunday morning. 
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer. 
AL GORE UNIX VIRUS Whenever you inquire about one of your environment 
variables, it shows you the current setting, but then tacks on an alarmist message 
concerning the future of the variable. 
AIRLINE VIRUS You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. 
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS Terminates and stays resident. It vill be bahk. 
AT&T VIRUS Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. 
BAPTIST VIRUS Immerses your hard-drive in water, secretly drinks beer on Friday 
night, memory chips go for a smoke behind your computer when you hit pause. 
BIRTHDAY VIRUS Keeps advancing your clock by another year. 
BOB DOLE VIRUS Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a 
threat. 
BORIS YELZIN VIRUS It reformats your drive and alters your PC's basic operating 
principles every ten minutes, making it completely inoperative. Meanwhile, an on screen 
message begs you to be patient and wait 90 days for results. 
BOSNIA-HERTZEGOVINA VIRUS Under the influence of this Eastern European virus, 
your PC's components continuously break down into tiny, squabbling factions. 
C*A*M*P* VIRUS Compuserve*America Online*Microsoftnetwork*Prodigy* Need I 
say more? 
CHARISMATIC VIRUS Promises a blessing on the "Next" click perpetually 
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the 
reviews, but you still love it. 
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE VIRUS Your hard drive isn't really down, you just think it is. 
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286AT. 
CLINTON VIRUS Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory. 
COLIN POWELL VIRUS Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretly, 
you wish it would. 
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1 The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a 
message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. 
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2 The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with 
the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame 
for the gridlock is caused by the other side. 
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #3 Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously 
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. 
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #4 Overdraws your disk space. 
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #1 Prevents your system from spawning any child process 
without joining into a binary network. 
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2 Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant 
figyour out watt! 
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #3 Said to cause speling erors in files stored on your disk. 
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #4 Forces your computer to play PGA TOUR from 10am to 
4pm, six days a week. 
DAVID DUKE VIRUS Makes your screen go completely white. DISNEY VIRUS 
Everything in your computer goes goofy. 
DR. HANNIBAL LECTER VIRUS It eats the heart out of your PC with some fava beans 
and a nice Chianti. 
ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS Disks can no longer be inserted. 
ELVIS VIRUS Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs -- only to 
resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. 
EPISCOPAL VIRUS All files self-delete after a pre-determined time, so that the hard 
drive never fills to more than 30% of capacity. 
E.T. VIRUS Locks up your modem by phoning home FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT 
VIRUS Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does 
practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your 
computer. 
FREUDIAN VIRUS #1 Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own 
motherboard. 
FREUDIAN VIRUS #2 Your computer becomes envious of your friend's hard drive. 
GALLUP VIRUS Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 
percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin or error). 
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no new files!" on 
the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then 
blames it on the CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS. 
GEORGE MICHAELS VIRUS Runs its course, occasionally releasing data buildup. 
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software 
says everything is fine. 
GRIDLOCK VIRUS Keeps shuffling information that it calls 'bills' between your CPU 
and BUS, sending messages like 'House Bill #xxxx is unacceptable to Senate'. Never gets 
any work done. 
HEALTH CARE VIRUS Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends 
you a bill for $4,500. 
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON VIRUS #1 Files dissappear, only to reappear 
mysteriously a year later, in another directory. 
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON VIRUS #2 Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 
Meg. 
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then 
subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it 
purchases through Prodigy. 
JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS #1 Deletes all old files. 
JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS #2 Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. 
JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS #3 Enables irreparably damaged files to delete themselves. 
JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS #4 Helps your computer shut down whenever you want it 
to, but it can never be reset or rebooted again. This virus only attacks Terminal Cases. 
JANE FONDA VIRUS Attacks your hard drive's FAT. 
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS VIRUS #1 Keeps banging the head in your hard drive! 
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS VIRUS #2 Deletes all but 144000 select files. 
JERRY BROWN VIRUS news your screen and flashes an 800 number. 
JERRY SPRINGER VIRUS The chair next to your computer suddenly hurls toward you. 
JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS VIRUS Perpetually books trips to Miami and buys 
jewelry online with your credit cards 
JEWISH VIRUS 8 days after delivery, your new computer looses the tip of it's joystick, 
ouch! 
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS Your programs can never be found again. 
JOEY BUTTAFUCO VIRUS Only attacks minor files. 
JURASSIC PARK VIRUS Makes V20 computers more advanced than a 486 then 
duplicates the new computers. 
KENNETH STARR VIRUS Completely examines every aspect of your computer, then 
compiles a complex report that discredits every aspect of your computer. 
LAPD VIRUS It claims it feels threatened by other files on your PC and erases them in 
"self-defense." 
LEFT-WING DRIVEL VIRUS Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending 
messages about how the economy is going to get better. 
LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS #1 Your hard disc turns into a 3.5 floppy. 
LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS #2 Reformats your hard drive to a 3.5 inch floppy, then 
discards it through Windows. 
LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS #3 Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches 
it, but that part will never work again. 
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS It would be a great VIRUS, but it refuses to run. 
MARTHA STEWART VIRUS #1 Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds 
them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop. 
MARTHA STEWART VIRUS #2 It takes over your PC and oh so tastefully alters your 
color palettes to lovely muted pastels. 
MCI VIRUS Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the 
AT&T VIRUS. 
MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its 
appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car. 
MIKE TYSON VIRUS Quits after two bytes. 
MONICA LEWINSKY VIRUS Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails 
everyone about what it did. 
NATIONAL ENQUIRER VIRUS It incessantly scans your files for evidence that you are 
cross-dressing, have been abducted by aliens, or are secretly dating Princess Di. 
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really 
mad just thinking about it. 
NIKE VIRUS Just does it. 
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS #1 You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just 
can't prove it. 
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS #2 It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of 
your files and vows to find the virus that did it. 
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. 
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS #2 Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files. 
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS #1 Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and 
then slowly expands back to 200MB. 
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS #2 Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, 
then slowly expands to 200 MB. 
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its 
programmer will take it back. 
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS #1 Your sytem works fine, but it complains loudly about 
foreign software. Frequently accompanies the Right-to-Life and the Randall Terry 
VIRUS. 
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS #2 Shifts all output to the extreme right of the screen. PAUL 
REVERE VIRUS This revolutionary VIRUS does not horse around. It warns you of 
impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C:\> 
PENTACOSTAL VIRUS Keeps inviting you to click on web sites of elaborate 
beauticians. 
PINTO VIRUS Sets your computer on fire. 
PBS VIRUS Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. 
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS Never identifies itself as a "VIRUS," but instead 
refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism." 
PONZI VIRUS It logs onto your bank's computer and transfers $1 into the accounts of 
the owners of the last 10 computers it was on. It then attaches itself to the next 10 items 
of mail you send. 
PROZAC VIRUS Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care. 
THE RAMBO VIRUS Protects your CPU, but attacks any systems it perceives as 
enemies. 
RANDALL TERRY VIRUS Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose (A)bort from 
the (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail message. 
RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how young it is. 
If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible 
alternatives. 
RIGHT-WING HARDLINER VIRUS Won't allow any changes on your system, but 
keeps saying that things will get better as soon as it takes over the Whitehouse. 
ROMAN CATHOLIC VIRUS Guilt trips the hell out of your hard drive so that it won't 
spin up any more. 
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS #1 Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored. 
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS #2 This virus creates serious problems in memory. 
ROSS PEROT VIRUS #1 Activates every component in your system, just before the 
whole damn thing quits. 
ROSS PEROT VIRUS #2 Runs for awhile, leaves the system, then re-appears, but with 
less effect. 
ROSS PEROT VIRUS #3 When you boot, it displays a message saying that it is thinking 
of running. Then it scans the disk for competing operating systems, and if it finds any, 
shuts down immediately... 
SADDAM HUSSEIN VIRUS Won't let you into any of your programs. 
SEARS VIRUS Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a 
set of shocks. 
SHARON STONE VIRUS Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there. 
SONNY BONO VIRUS Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of 
nowhere. 
SPICE GIRLS VIRUS Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. 
SPIKE LEE VIRUS It makes your screen go totally black. 
STAR TREK VIRUS Invades your system in places where no VIRUS has gone before. 
STEVE FORBES VIRUS All files are reported as the same size. 
TED TURNER VIRUS Colorizes your monochrome monitor. 
TEENAGE VIRUS: You can get your PC to do what you want, but only after an 
interminable argument that leaves you feeling horribly guilty. 
TEXAS VIRUS Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. 
TIM ALLEN VIRUS Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact. 
TIPPER GORE VIRUS When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning 
window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children. 
TITANIC VIRUS (A strain of the Lewinsky VIRUS) Your whole computer goes down. 
TONYA HARDING VIRUS Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. 
TYPE-A VIRUS It makes your hard drive hard driven. 
UNITARIAN VIRUS #1 Opens up a LOT of Windows, but for no apparent reason. 
UNITARIAN VIRUS #2 It opens all windows and lets you view back into your 
computers life as an 8088 
Vampyre VIRUS Your PC can operate only at night, and its performance really sucks. 
VIAGRA VIRUS Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. 
WARREN COMMISSION VIRUS Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years. 
WILLIARD SCOTT VIRUS Keeps track of all family birthdays and renders verbose 
birthday wishes each time you request weather predictions. 
WINDOWS 95 VIRUS And you thought it was an operating system! 
WOODY ALLEN VIRUS Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. 
X-FILES VIRUS All your Icons start shape shifting. 
 
 
FREE MONEY VIRUS 
There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internet. If you receive an email 
message, with the subject line "Free Money," do not read the message. Delete it 
immediately, unplug your computer, then burn it to ashes in a government-approved toxic 
waste disposal incinerator. 
Once a computer is infected, it will be too late. Your computer will begin to emit a vile 
odor. Then it will secrete a foul, milky discharge. Verily, it shall screech with the 
tortured, monitor-shattering scream of 1,000 hell-scorched souls, drawing unwanted 
attention to your cubicle from co-workers and supervisors alike. After violently ripping 
itself from the wall, your computer will punch through your office window as it streaks 
into the night, howling like a banshee. Once free, it will spend the rest of its days 
sodomizing household pets and mocking the Pope.  
Some filthy, disgusting miscreant ... some no-good, low-down, good-for-nothing dirty 
snake, in twisted pursuit of his own sadistic dreams, is sending this virus across the Net, 
via an e-mail entitled "Free Money." What is so terrifying about this virus is that you do 
not even have to open the e-mail, for it to activate. In fact, you do not even need to 
receive the e-mail. You do not even need to own a computer. "Free Money" can infect 
even minor household appliances.  
How it does this with straight ASCII code is, frankly, a matter of some debate ... but 
BELIEVE US, if this weren't a SERIOUS situation, we wouldn't be discussing it in ALL 
CAPS.  
So for the LOVE OF GOD, forward this e-mail to all those you claim to care about, all 
those you purport to love.  
 
Don't do it later! Do it NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!  
 
 
BEWARE - Buddhist Viruses are Lurking on the Web 
Professor Richard P.Hayes of McGill University in Canada has compiled a list of known 
viruses inhabiting Buddhist's computers. These viruses have been around for thousands 
of years and they even defy the skills of McAfee. 
THERAVADA TERROR (often packaged in a seemingly innocuous file known as 
BHIKKHU.BUG): operates by giving ordination to your computer's CPU. While 
relatively harmless during the morning hours, this virus has the effect of making your 
computer refuse to intake or process any hard data after noon. (Female scholars need not 
be concerned about this virus, since female CPUs are not entitled to receive full 
ordination.)  
MADHYAMAKA MONSTER: systematically replaces all data on the hard drive by a bit 
having a value of not 1, not 0, not both 1 and 0 and not neither 1 nor 0. The screen goes 
entirely blank, and whenever the operator taps a key, an information box pops up saying 
"There are no statements in this information box."  
VIJNANAVADA VEXATION: is the only known computer virus that has no effect 
whatsoever on your software. It does, however, make all the hardware and peripheral 
devices disappear, and convinces the software that there is no real distinction between a 
computer program and the data it processes. One extreme version of this viral scourge 
(also known as SOFTWARE ONLY) has the effect of making your software believe that 
it is the only software in the universe.  
VAJRAYANA VIRUS: attacks the computer's BIOS, causing the screen to emit a radiant 
clear light that beams directly into the operator's heart. The computer itself sustains no 
damage, but the operator's mind is transformed into mush with the inane message "The 
passions themselves are enlightenment. Misinformation itself is data." The operator then 
is overwhelmed with a compulsive urge to upload billions of gigabytes worth of graphics 
displays of incomprehensible mandalas onto Web sites around the world, for the benefit 
of all sentient machines.  
INDRAJALA INFECTION: which causes all sentient beings to be networked, all 
information to be replicated, and whenever any sentient being is removed from the 
network neither it nor its previous context can be said to exist. (Also known as the 'ten 
coins terror'). Rumour has it this was the by-product of a marketing slogan coined by a 
lama doing contract work for Sun Microsystems, "the network is the operator". Once this 
virus has infected any machine, everything is instantly affected, and it is no longer 
posible to conceive of the universe in the absence of the virus.  
 
 
AMISH VIRUS  
Hello There, You English: 
You have just received the "Amish Virus." As we don't have any programming 
experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your 
hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. 
Thanks for your cooperation. 
Amish Computer Engineering Dept. 
God bless! 
 
 
GOODTIMES VIRUS (spoof of the virus hoax) Goodtimes will rewrite your hard drive. 
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will 
recalibrate your refrigerator's thermostat so that all your ice cream melts. It will 
demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your VCR and 
use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play. It will give your ex-
girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid in your fishtank. It will drink all 
your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. 
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys 
when you are late for work. 
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about 
circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows 
while dating your current girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel 
room to your Visa card. Such is the power of Goodtimes -- it reaches out beyond the 
grave to sully those things we hold most dear. 
Goodtimes moves your car randomly around parking lots, you can't find it. It will kick 
your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is 
insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting 
shade of mauve. 
Goodtimes will give you Dutch elm disease. It will make a batch of methamphetamine in 
your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase 
gradeschoolers with your new snow blower. 
 
 
BAD TIMES (as opposed to the "Good Times") VIRUS: If you receive an email entitled 
"Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It 
will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks 
within 20 feet of your computer. 
It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access 
code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch 
any CD's you attempt to play. 
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and 
your milk curdles. It will program your phone auto dial to callonly 1-900 sex line 
numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. 
It will drink all your beer. 
If you live at home, it will tell your Mum where you hide your porno mags.  
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.  
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Regaine, all while dating your 
current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa 
card. 
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until 
someone loses an eye. 
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive voice and 
incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key 
sentences. 
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the 
toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It 
will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also 
refill your skim milk with whole milk. 
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill 
pickles. It will install itself into your cistern and lie in wait until someone does a serious 
number 2, then block the s-bend and cause your toilet to overflow. 
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW! 
 
 
Bad-Day Virus Warning 
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Bad-day," delete it immediately 
WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous E-mail virus yet. 
It will rewrite your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even 
close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your 
ice cream melts and your milk curdles. 
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, 
screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs 
you try to play. 
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your pop and leave its dirty 
socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will hide your car keys 
when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static 
while stuck in traffic. 
Bad-day will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while 
giving you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hair dryer 
plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags 
from your mattresses and pillows, it will refill your skim milk with whole. 
It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather 
interesting shade of mauve. 
These are just a few signs. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.  
 
 
 
Variations on the Theme of the "Love Bug" Virus 
 
The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your computer but collects 
data about it worshipfully from afar. 
The "Unrequited Love" virus causes your computer to be so obsessed with a virus that it 
can never have-that it can no longer function. 
The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing 
is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade. 
The "Can't We Just Be Friends" virus makes your computer think it's interested in 
invading. Then, just when your computer is getting excited about the invasion, it breaks 
off the connection with your computer, dashing its hard drive against the rocks. 
The "One Night Stand" virus invades your computer, turns its hard drive upside down, 
then disappears after promising to come back sometime. But it leaves a twenty in your 
online bank account. 
The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life. 
The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time negotiating with a computer, finally 
invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time. 
The "I Can't Commit" virus hangs around a computer for a long time and frequently 
sends messages that it intends to invade, but is really just interested in playing with your 
computer's data. 
The "It's Just A Physical Thing" virus invades your computer on a regular basis, but no 
meaningful data is ever exchanged. 
The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer 
is never turned on, then finally leaves. But it returns some time later and takes half of 
your computer's best data in an ugly network session. 
The "Little Virus Of The Evening" virus will do anything to yourcomputer--if you're 
willing to pay the right price. 
The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, 
collecting data your computer has thrown away and trying to record its most intimate 
functions. 
The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers that 
are totally incompatible with it. 
The "Deadbeat Dad" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then 
refuses to help update it as it grows. 
The "Married Too Long" virus splits your PC into two partitions that never interface, one 
that does too much online shopping and one that never does anything except monitor 
ESPN.com.